3 Reasons I am Thankful I Know There is no Joy Without Conflict

There is no joy without conflict. This lesson is one that takes faith, hard work, and perseverance. I hate conflict; however, wisdom taught me it is a necessary evil. Still, conflict for conflict’s sake is about as spiritually nutritious as a burnt piece of steak.

1. Before Conflict, There is Unspoken Tension

The moment my mom died and I lived with American relatives, I noticed the racial tension. The high school cafeteria had unspoken rules. Yes, there was a division by jocks, geeks, outcasts, etc. More noticeable to me was the division by race. The tension only arose when I sat by friends that were a different race.

I didn’t understand it. I was not only new to the school, I was new to the country. I still stayed true to who I was, but over time I learned the history, not to excuse anyone’s action but to understand. Without that tension, I wouldn’t have been open to understanding a world that was different from the world that I knew. That understanding wouldn’t have come without conflict.

2. Before Joy, There is Conflict

I unfriended a good friend’s relative last year.  I’ll call the person I unfriended Sue. Sue and I were not friends, but Jill and I had a bond that started in 1987 and we picked up where we left off when we found each other on Facebook. One day I came across a post from Jill, where Sue responded and it really hurt my feelings. It was spiteful and mean.

Though Jill and Sue were both involved, I only unfriended Sue. Jill and I had a behind-the-scenes disagreement about the situation. Jill and my husband are alike, they take a defensive stand. I, however, annoyingly came off as a goody-two-shoes. She still is a friend I go to when I am hurting or celebrating something. I’d like to think our conflict added depth to our relationship.

3. Oh the Joy After Conflict

Then comes the joy. My illness, my past, my marriage, my inner-self — all hit an all-time low about a decade or so ago. My husband and I, as leaders of our family, had to get past the unspoken tension that fell into full-on collision. It did not turn around before the ‘D’ word came up in our most uncomfortable moments. Because we got through our differences (and no we still don’t agree on everything), we have been able to stand united to help our family through tougher things to come.

I hate conflict just as much as the next person and not all conflicts are good. Still, in times when anxiety runs high and it looks like things are getting worse, I have faith that it is not. That’s why I thank God I know there is no joy without conflict.