Today my insecurities have me feeling pretty vulnerable. The truth is you decide who you are in your most vulnerable moments. You either use those moments to grow or regress. Most days I find it easy to be me. Today is not one of them. I have learned to take my most insecure days to reflect.
So, today I thank God for my insecurities. Sounds silly right? Not to me. It is in my suckiest “feeling” moments where I can truly measure my growth.
Insecurities and Relationships
I acknowledge my subconscious fears through my most vulnerable and anxiety driven times. It’s during these times I find who my friends really are. I have lost two friendships this year that surprised me. The very same people who needed me to comfort them during their vulnerable moments are the same ones that slammed the doors on my fingertips instead of validating my concerns. Though it was very hurtful, it let me see where I stood. Most importantly, I check the way I treat those I love and I choose to improve in the areas I fall short.
Insecurities and Support
I feel like a fragile, pathetic soul during my most vulnerable moments. That is when I force myself to share my thoughts with someone no matter how silly it sounds. When my husband came home early this morning after driving Uber, I forced myself to share my struggles. “I had a tough session today and I miss persons X, Y, Z. I don’t know why X ignores me it hurt, I am worried about Y and it’s been six years since I’ve seen Z. I am sad.” Then that’s when the tears flow as I release the pent-up anxiety.
Insecurities and Growth
My insecurity reminds me that I am human and it stretches me (which leads to growth). My insecurity also reminds my loved ones I am not as “perfect” as they want to believe I am. It also gives me a chance to use my tools. I am a pretty tough cookie so in my imagination, God also loves my “soft” side. In this time I feel God’s gentleness and assurance —and His unspoken reminder that while I am good, I am not God. I take my inventory.
We all have insecurities and feelings that we can’t explain. Use I’ve used this time so far, to self-examine, acknowledge my feelings and make decisions based on wisdom (and not on my feelings). Not every uncomfortable emotion is evil. Actually, it is human. I thank God for the wisdom to turn my most insecure moments to one with opportunities to grow and let go. So I’ll have myself a good bad day!