Gratitude Monday: I am thankful I can distinguish the difference between enablement and support
GM footsoldiers! I have so much to be grateful for this morning; however, If I went into detail about the blessings from this past week, I would have to write a book.
As I go through this ordeal with my daughter as well as other recent happenings in my family dynamic, I can’t help but to compare the what is happening now versus 20+ years ago. Our self-centered humanness sometimes wonder why? But as I sit here now a more centered person than I have ever been, the why (me) question has not come up. While the hurt, the anger and the grief is the same as it was when I did the best I could for my then young siblings, I have learned not to chastise my feelings. Instead of feeling “weak” from the range of emotions, I instead, process them (to the best of my ability) and focus on not reacting on them.
Years ago, I enabled — today, I practice support. With my siblings, I often reacted from guilt, remorse, anger, etc. The kids were different, the plot was different, but the story was the same. I have learned that the desperate feeling, sadness, grief and anger is okay but reacting based on it repeats cycles.
My family dynamics today (believe it or not) is a lot healthier. That starts with my husband and me. Currently we do have some hot mess situations going on … but these hot mess situations is called “life”, people, perceptions and level of maturity. I am thankful today that I know supporting my kids does not always look like support in their eyes. I’ve learned that not giving into needs for material things, giving them the assistance they need instead of what they believe they deserve and calling them out on their behavior is support. The opposite is enabling them to become manipulative, self-serving and ungrateful adults.
“[Stitch is running away]
Lilo: “‘Ohana” means “family.” “Family” means “no one gets left behind.” But if you want to leave, you can. I’ll remember you though.
[looking at her picture of her dead parents]
Lilo: I remember everyone that leaves.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0275847/quotes”
You see, the hurt that I feel when one of my children lashes out is not greater than the comfort I get from knowing I am doing the best thing for them (whether they choose to talk to me or not). That, footsoldiers, makes me know that I am nourishing the joy I am planting inside my soul even if it is the third Monday my daughter is missing.
In the midst of all the chaos in my life … even with my daughter missing … my innate ability to be grateful has improved my attitude and increased my blessings. Thank you for being part of my many blessings. You do not have to say anything for me to know you are praying with me and that you are crying with me (just like you have laughed with me as well). GM footsoldiers. GM.
Blogger’s note
This blog cover image is a wall in my foyer. I look at it everyday. It reminds me to evaluate whether I am forgetting any of my children and the role I play in their lives.
