As the Love Turns
Like me, some of you are on the brink of becoming empty nesters. Often times we wait until after the fact to realize that our partner has become that: just a partner. In dealing with co-parenting issues, paying bills, finding ourselves, etc., Rob and I have had some rough turns … not in the way that people think are rough … just transitioning through each phase of our lives. We did not have the luxury of having a guide. So through those turns, we have held onto each other as we went through those patches. We have finally “grown up” … well almost. We realized it was time to reconcile with our childhood, reconcile with some of the relationships we have and start the process of eliminating unnecessary turbulence out of our life. We have to face the fact that not all the chaos is worth one of our limited life chips.
Sometimes we talk about how we “lose ourselves” in our kids and don’t know who we are when they leave. There is a reason for each season. I am not someone who thinks that is a bad thing. For the record, I don’t think we “lose” ourselves; for the most part, you are the person you need to be. When you start feeling a void, it’s time to adjust.
We are not God; we can’t do everything. We just have to have the same values as our partner for it to work. I do believe if I spent all the time romancing my husband and not nurturing my children, I would have f*cked-up kids and my hubby and I would be basking in our selfishness. Instead, we have learned that love and romance look different at each stage in our lives. Flirting has been so important. Every time I whispered what I would do to my hubby as we were parading the kids around or working on a project, he would smile and say, “You talk so much sh*t, girl.” The key is that it made him smile–even if most times we did not get to follow through because of one obligation or another.
Well now it’s time for us to renew the romance. We don’t want the next phase of our life to be as turbulent as the others. We are still dedicated parents to not only our underaged children but to our adult children as well. We are more their investors and board of directors to the adult children at this point. Yes we still drop everything to be just mom and dad when they need their mommy or daddy, but that is not as often as before. We now know having a life coach (our therapist) is important. Mostly to work out our individual issues and to serve as our coach.
Most importantly, today we talked about dating. We are now re-kindling our love in a new way so that our transition to empty nesters is not as turbulent as our other transitions. I am looking forward to “mature love.”
All you parents who stress about the kids taking your time or that you don’t have time for each other… relax! I am of a different mindset. You are raising our future, and that takes time, energy and some sex-less days. Right now our idea of romance is riding in together to work–he drives, I sleep. As a woman, it makes me feel taken care of, and it makes my man feel as if he is taking care of me. We cuddle; we flirt. But let’s face it: Sometimes {don’t read after this my kiddos or you’ll be traumatized} we get in bed and fall asleep right in the middle of foreplay. The difference is when we wake up in the morning, we laugh and hug about it and know the day will come when things will slow down. And we are closer to that phase.
So to you my friends, raise your kids, love your husband and relax already. When that youngest one is about ready for the 9th grade, start dating again and then you will be renewed. Romance looks different at each phase of your life. Bask in it and just make the years with the young kiddos the foreplay for the next phase of your life.
